Greetings! (woah, thats right I changed my intro)
I come to you live, from my bed, past midnight, a week or so from many of my University deadlines.
In the past 4 hours or so I have cried a total of 3 times, and why you ask? Honestly I'm not sure I can answer.
You know when the tears just start, and you can't stop them, in the process pulling about 10 different faces between grinning, laughing and frowning hysterically. Basically I think I might be having one of those emotional meltdowns, who knows.
I guess I'm emotionally and physically exhausted. You see, working a job, while attending uni, and doing uni studies outside of class time, while trying to fit in extra little things just for yourself can be pretty demanding. In fact I barely get to do any of those extra little things these days..
I don't remember the last time I went home to see my family. I barely ever see some of my best friends outside of university. I'm lucky if I get to see my boyfriend once a week. My grandpa, who is in hospital recovering from major heart surgery, I don't remember the last time I seen him, and I haven't yet had a chance to visit him since his op.
I don't remember the last time I blogged?
And it's December 1st today (Well I guess it's technically the 2nd now).. It's meant to be one of the most happy and magical times of the year, bur I can't help but wallow in my self pity.
But the main reason for this blogpost is not to raise the points of my busy life schedule, but more to think about something else that has been on my mind.
You see, when we leave school after 6th year, we have usually been forced into making a decision as to what we want to do next.. Get a job? Go to college? Or if you're feeling super adventurous (or just blessed with the brains of Einstein) go to University.
You see me, I was lead to believe that university was like getting a gold medal.. That'e the one you wanna go for!
I remember when I realised I hadn't gotten the grades to get in.. I was a little devastated..
But none the less I left school and went to college instead.
I'd like to make a note here,, There is nothing at this point that I would have changed for a place on the best university course in the world at the best university in the world. College, has quite frankly been the highlight of my entire life so far. I made some of the best friends I have ever had, and as much as I would hesitate to admit it at the time, I actually loved my course.
Those two years fled by, and suddenly I found myself taking a massive leap and applying for third year at university. It just seemed like the obvious next step to take..
Having been at university for about 3/4 months now, and nearly an entire semester.. I'm just not sure what to think any more. You see, I'm just not sure I'm enjoying any aspect of my course at all. All in all, University basically sucks. Its crap. Don't believe the hype.
But even then, to drop out seems unthinkable. Because for a start what happens then!? Where do I go!? What do I do!? It just seems stupid...
But at the same time... why should I continue if I'm not sure it's where I want to be?
Earlier I stumbled upon a video, (which pretty much triggered a stage 2 emotional meltdown).. But it made so much sense.
But then it got me thinking... Why are we forced into deciding what we want to do so early on!? How are we possibly meant to know!?
I also read a rather interesting blogpost online earlier (I got as desperate as to google "when you don't know what to do with your life" help!), which made some interesting points.
"The funny thing about life is that it’s set up to always be preparing us for something. But what society doesn’t seem to understand is that humans aren’t designed to stick to one path. Humans are free flowing, always changing, and always moving. One moment, we can be so joyful we want to start a flash mob in the middle of the train station, and the next we can be disheartened and hopeless.
I also read a rather interesting blogpost online earlier (I got as desperate as to google "when you don't know what to do with your life" help!), which made some interesting points.
"The funny thing about life is that it’s set up to always be preparing us for something. But what society doesn’t seem to understand is that humans aren’t designed to stick to one path. Humans are free flowing, always changing, and always moving. One moment, we can be so joyful we want to start a flash mob in the middle of the train station, and the next we can be disheartened and hopeless.
Our feelings are ever changing and ever flowing, as are our thoughts, beliefs, interests, and our relationships with others."
"We spend our whole life in preparation. We don’t realize that while we were planning, we were missing out on the important things in life. While we were planning, we were missing out on the opportunities to relax and let the plan come to us. We were missing out on valuable time spent living our lives worry-free and stress-free. Nobody needs a plan or a set path to get to where they need to be, because where you need to be is where you already are."
One of my close friends dropped out of university at the very beginning, to chase his own dreams, and I now envy him a little for it.
I don't know, I guess I feel like I'm just standing on a bus.... Never sure where the bus is actually gonna take me?
But now I'm left feeling a little disbelief as to what my dreams actually are?......
Basically guys.. If not university,, but you don't know what you're dreams are.. then how are you possibly meant to find a career!? HOW DO I FIND MY PATH!?
Until next time guys,
Stay sane.. And Stay Magical
x
sorry for the not so magical post.. I guess stress is getting to me afterall!HAHA #universitylife xo
